I know I have not done the best at keeping in touch with
god. I am guilty and have missed out on
conversations I could have had. But we
cannot dwell on the past, only move forward with hearts and souls open to
whatever god desires of us. A common
prayer that I have been lifting up during the past six months is for
clarity. The interesting thing is, it is
not specific to any one thing but everything.
An affirmation that the choices I am making, the life I am leading, is
truly what god has designed for me. I
have this need to know that I am not getting in the way. On some levels, that seems like I am trying
to micromanage god (something I don’t like in the workplace or in the mission
field). It feels like undermining the
one who has gone before me, has created me, and who is always working and
living through me. On the other hand, it
brings a real intentionality to how I choose to live my life, who I chose to
share it with and what I can learn in the process. I used to think there would be some magical
signpost, illuminating “my path” and solidifying that I was on the right
track. Most of the time I let my gut and
rational thought help out. There are
times when I have felt that overwhelming since of peace wash over me that lets
me know this is right for right now. My
dad asked me this morning on our way to the airport if I was nervous or anxious
or if traveling to Haiti was just old hat.
I could honestly answer, “no” I am not anxious, or nervous, but thinking
about I now, it is not because I have been here before. It’s because I truly believe in a god that is
with me all the time, protecting me, supporting me and allowing me to be a part
of life happening right now. A friend of
mine reminded me of this with Joshua 1:9 tonight, “Have I not commanded you? Be
strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord
your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Being kind, loving and empowering to others is not hard and it is what
god has called me to do. I happen to be
so fortunate to do it many places around the world. And although it seems simple, that is god’s
plan for me, so I guess I am not really getting in the way…
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