clarity

I know I have not done the best at keeping in touch with god.  I am guilty and have missed out on conversations I could have had.  But we cannot dwell on the past, only move forward with hearts and souls open to whatever god desires of us.  A common prayer that I have been lifting up during the past six months is for clarity.  The interesting thing is, it is not specific to any one thing but everything.  An affirmation that the choices I am making, the life I am leading, is truly what god has designed for me.  I have this need to know that I am not getting in the way.  On some levels, that seems like I am trying to micromanage god (something I don’t like in the workplace or in the mission field).  It feels like undermining the one who has gone before me, has created me, and who is always working and living through me.  On the other hand, it brings a real intentionality to how I choose to live my life, who I chose to share it with and what I can learn in the process.  I used to think there would be some magical signpost, illuminating “my path” and solidifying that I was on the right track.  Most of the time I let my gut and rational thought help out.  There are times when I have felt that overwhelming since of peace wash over me that lets me know this is right for right now.  My dad asked me this morning on our way to the airport if I was nervous or anxious or if traveling to Haiti was just old hat.  I could honestly answer, “no” I am not anxious, or nervous, but thinking about I now, it is not because I have been here before.  It’s because I truly believe in a god that is with me all the time, protecting me, supporting me and allowing me to be a part of life happening right now.  A friend of mine reminded me of this with Joshua 1:9 tonight, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Being kind, loving and empowering to others is not hard and it is what god has called me to do.  I happen to be so fortunate to do it many places around the world.  And although it seems simple, that is god’s plan for me, so I guess I am not really getting in the way…