a revelation...

A few weekends ago, I went a on a spur of the moment road trip with some great friends.  We didn’t quite know where we were going and, at times, left our decisions up to the fate of a lucky penny!!  On Sunday, we managed to find a church in Ames, IA.  This masterpiece of a “mega church” had all the stops – stadium seating, a child care check in system that assigns your child a barcode and three jumbo-tron screens!! It was a very different feel than the church home I have here in Minneapolis.  However, an interesting thing happened during the message that morning.  In the midst of a sermon wrapping up a study on Romans, I had a revelation. 

The pastor was speaking about Paul and his letters to various communities and his emphasis that part of being a follower of Christ is to DO something about it!  He mentioned several ways to show that you “get it.”  He reminded all of us in attendance of our call to “live life as a sacrifice.”  I have been praying about this for months now, asking God if I am truly supposed to give up all I have to serve the people of Haiti.  Sell my possessions; give up the conveniences or presumed safety of my home.  All of the sudden I had a revelation.  A revelation that to "live a life of sacrifice" might not be the physical sacrifices that I have been considering.  None of my earthly possessions or conveniences matter as much to me.  I know I could live without.  Instead, it is the painful, gut-wrenching and sad emotional sacrifices that come from being away from Haiti right now.  Those are the sacrifices I am living with to try to listen to and discern where God wants me.  Being away from a country that for some reason brings me great peace, being away from people I love more than I thought I could love, living and breathing each day knowing how good I have it, feeling like I am letting others down by failing to be totally present.

Here I thought, why is this not happening?  I am totally willing to go, Lord, send me!  When God finally turned on my light switch and said, this is your challenge…live your life each day for me, don’t wait until you have moved to Haiti, continue to serve me and my people and show my love to all those you meet.  Help each inhabitant of this earth see that they matter.  The sacrifice is that I love being in Haiti, but can’t be there every day right now.  The lesson is that I will never have all the answers, but if I listen closely, every once and awhile, God gives me a few clues.