planting seeds

“When you plant a tree don't think that you are the one to eat any fruit from it or to sit in its shade, just believe that you left something special.”

A good friend of mine from Haiti posted this on his facebook wall a while back and this image of planting seeds and trusting them to grow has not left my heart.  It is symbolic to the many ways we trust god or others with our most prized thoughts and missions.  It reminds us not to get to caught up in our own pride, our insecurities and the cynicism that comes with working within, against or alongside a systematic set of challenges. 

I haven’t had a real chance to write about my latest trip to Haiti.  As soon as I returned to MN I was honored to be in a beautiful wedding, then started workshop week at school and then the school year began!  Talk about a huge whirlwind of emotions….in fact I think just now, as the dust is settling, I am finally able to process all that has happened in the last month. 

I went to Haiti in August with 2 main agenda items.  One was to host another teacher training session in the Williamson/Luly area.  The idea was to build upon last summer’s training session in hopes that a pattern of growth would start to develop.  (You know, I have visions of organized binders with labels like “Training Module #1,” etc.)  In fact, that was just what happened.  The trainers, pastors, and I met during my first few days on the ground, reviewed what we had covered last summer and decided where we wanted to go next.  Then I gave them their budget and they were off and running finding materials and gathering information.  It is still awesome and amazing to me that I have met such wonderful colleagues in the field of education in a small Haitian village outside of Port-au-Prince.  It is amazing what you can find when you start having conversations with groups of thoughtful and informed citizens. 

My second agenda item was to scout out another community to assess their interest in teacher training opportunities.  I rented a beautiful, powerful truck and four of us drove to the village of Thiotte, which is through the mountains basically to the border with the Dominican Republic.  This is the hometown of a close friend and translator.  He served as our tour guide and host and we met with 2 different schools in 2 days.  Both were very receptive to the ideas and especially the style of the teacher-training model.  One of the teachers at the primary level was at first skeptical as to why I was there and who had sent me.  He thought they were being punished or judged on their current school results or classroom practices.  I assured him that I had been invited by a community member to share about this opportunity and that the whole idea is that each school can use it as they see fit.  It is an opportunity not a requirement.  Struggling with behavior management?  We can support you.  Not able to pass the national exams in mathematics or French?  We can support you.  Don’t understand how to read and utilize the curriculum?  We can support you.  His response was, why?  What do you get from it?  I replied, “I get to share my love of education and my belief that is the key to the success of any community.”  He said to me, “You must believe in god, thank you for coming.”

During the next week I tagged along with some other American guests on some really great touristy things (a totally different blog).  By the end of the week we were ready for the 2-day training in Williamson.  Two additional schools had been added since last year and it was great to see teachers from different neighborhoods sharing their thoughts and ideas.  During the last day they asked me to speak in front of the group.  Again, something I tend not to do unless invited.  I spoke to them about the challenges of being a teacher both within the small world of your classroom or school but also in the larger world context where your country or government has good intentions but not always enough resources to support you.  I talked about the importance of sharing the skills and knowledge you have with others and trying not to horde or keep all the good stuff to yourself.  I also challenged them to continue growing and learning from each other because their success as teachers is about their community, not about my yearly visits. 

I had a few other meetings while I was there, all encouraging me to continue this process, this model of empowerment and community engagement with education and the development of teachers as professionals as its mission.  So now, there are more things to think about.  Reaching more communities, broaden our types of training, finding more trainers who are qualified educators wanting to share their gifts.  And I know that as it gets bigger, I will have to let go of more control and trust the relationships and vision that has been set out before me.  I will have helped to plant seeds.  My hope is that many people, teachers, students and whole communities get to share its fruit and shade.  

One World

“We’re all a part of one world, we all can share the same dream and if you just reach out to me then you will find deep down inside I’m just like you.”

These lyrics from my crazy PBS love fest with Celtic Women have been playing on repeat in my head for the past few days.  It is funny how I get messages at the right time in the right way.  Truth is we are a part of one world, truth is we do share similar dreams – good health, love, family, prosperity whatever it may look like and assurance that we matter.   

For a long time now I have known that I am here on this earth to nurture people.  I have been blessed with patience and the desire to listen and encourage others to make their own way in the world.  As I sit here in Haiti with the sun shining and a lovely breeze blowing I realize that those gifts are to be used here as well.  I have had the honor to get to know several Haitians with great hearts, great ideas and great connections.  I have discovered, they don’t need me all the time, just like my colleagues at work, or friends and family across the globe.  Turns out I don’t have to choose…I have been blessed beyond belief to be able to serve in so many ways.  What a welcomed change of perspective – and it only took two years!   

I think people crave purpose, they search for belonging, they want to be utilized and appreciated in their communities.  They want to know that their life matters and see their gifts put to use.  That’s what I get to do here.  Even if it seems painfully slow and awfully trivial to help one group of teachers, their training and professional development will impact loads of kids in their schools and in turn, create better communities in the future. 

So that’s it, deep down inside that connection, that sense of purpose, that feeling a part of something bigger than you wins, hands down, no matter where you are.  

clarity

I know I have not done the best at keeping in touch with god.  I am guilty and have missed out on conversations I could have had.  But we cannot dwell on the past, only move forward with hearts and souls open to whatever god desires of us.  A common prayer that I have been lifting up during the past six months is for clarity.  The interesting thing is, it is not specific to any one thing but everything.  An affirmation that the choices I am making, the life I am leading, is truly what god has designed for me.  I have this need to know that I am not getting in the way.  On some levels, that seems like I am trying to micromanage god (something I don’t like in the workplace or in the mission field).  It feels like undermining the one who has gone before me, has created me, and who is always working and living through me.  On the other hand, it brings a real intentionality to how I choose to live my life, who I chose to share it with and what I can learn in the process.  I used to think there would be some magical signpost, illuminating “my path” and solidifying that I was on the right track.  Most of the time I let my gut and rational thought help out.  There are times when I have felt that overwhelming since of peace wash over me that lets me know this is right for right now.  My dad asked me this morning on our way to the airport if I was nervous or anxious or if traveling to Haiti was just old hat.  I could honestly answer, “no” I am not anxious, or nervous, but thinking about I now, it is not because I have been here before.  It’s because I truly believe in a god that is with me all the time, protecting me, supporting me and allowing me to be a part of life happening right now.  A friend of mine reminded me of this with Joshua 1:9 tonight, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Being kind, loving and empowering to others is not hard and it is what god has called me to do.  I happen to be so fortunate to do it many places around the world.  And although it seems simple, that is god’s plan for me, so I guess I am not really getting in the way…

a revelation...

A few weekends ago, I went a on a spur of the moment road trip with some great friends.  We didn’t quite know where we were going and, at times, left our decisions up to the fate of a lucky penny!!  On Sunday, we managed to find a church in Ames, IA.  This masterpiece of a “mega church” had all the stops – stadium seating, a child care check in system that assigns your child a barcode and three jumbo-tron screens!! It was a very different feel than the church home I have here in Minneapolis.  However, an interesting thing happened during the message that morning.  In the midst of a sermon wrapping up a study on Romans, I had a revelation. 

The pastor was speaking about Paul and his letters to various communities and his emphasis that part of being a follower of Christ is to DO something about it!  He mentioned several ways to show that you “get it.”  He reminded all of us in attendance of our call to “live life as a sacrifice.”  I have been praying about this for months now, asking God if I am truly supposed to give up all I have to serve the people of Haiti.  Sell my possessions; give up the conveniences or presumed safety of my home.  All of the sudden I had a revelation.  A revelation that to "live a life of sacrifice" might not be the physical sacrifices that I have been considering.  None of my earthly possessions or conveniences matter as much to me.  I know I could live without.  Instead, it is the painful, gut-wrenching and sad emotional sacrifices that come from being away from Haiti right now.  Those are the sacrifices I am living with to try to listen to and discern where God wants me.  Being away from a country that for some reason brings me great peace, being away from people I love more than I thought I could love, living and breathing each day knowing how good I have it, feeling like I am letting others down by failing to be totally present.

Here I thought, why is this not happening?  I am totally willing to go, Lord, send me!  When God finally turned on my light switch and said, this is your challenge…live your life each day for me, don’t wait until you have moved to Haiti, continue to serve me and my people and show my love to all those you meet.  Help each inhabitant of this earth see that they matter.  The sacrifice is that I love being in Haiti, but can’t be there every day right now.  The lesson is that I will never have all the answers, but if I listen closely, every once and awhile, God gives me a few clues.   

Traditions

Traditions are an important part of everyone’s culture.  The holidays, for my family and me, are steeped in tradition. When it comes to food, there is always lefse, chocolate mint sandwich cookies, and eggnog.  Typically there are Swedish meatballs or ham balls and company hash browns.  We usually sing Christmas songs in four-part harmony at least once, light the advent wreath and exchange gifts on Christmas Eve.  In addition, there are favorite holiday movies to watch, Muppets Christmas Carol, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Santa Clause (1, 2, &3) to name a few.  Christmas at home (and sometimes abroad) includes a worship service with either a lively pageant and/or a contemplative candlelight service. 

My family recently watched the Muppets Christmas Carol, and for the first time the wisdom of this story spoke to me.  Live in the past, present and future.  You know the story: the humbug Ebenezer Scrooge is met by three spirits each hoping to change his attitude and open his heart to the world around him.  In a matter of a few pages, or in our case less than two hours of sidesplitting muppet humor, Scrooge discovers that his past reminds him of true love and happiness as a young man and the choices he made to further his career.  He is blindsided by the image his community has of him and his selfish and greedy ways and he is faced with the prospect of leaving this earth unloved and unwanted by anyone.

As I experienced this movie this year, I was overcome with the notion that we must not solely live in one of these three worlds.  Our lives are meant to fulfill many purposes.  We might be a comforter for someone, an encourager for another, or a warrior for whatever it is that drives our deepest passions.  We also might need to take time to regroup, to realign what it is that we feel called to do.  By looking back into our past we can learn from mistakes and successes, cherish memories and notice what brings us joy and what causes pain. 

By living the in the present we are called to truly focus on the here and now.  What am I choosing today and how does it affect me, my family, friends and neighbors worldwide?  The choices I make have an impact on our whole world and I can choose to see it and act accordingly…or not. 

Living in the future is hard for me.  Although I am mostly an optimist, I am also a self-diagnosed “catastrophizor.”  I often play out scenarios in my head that, of course, end badly.  It was my mom that finally made me realize that “different” isn’t always “bad.”  And that, for me is where faith takes over.  I am coming to realize that when I catastrophize, I am basically saying I can’t do it, or more shockingly, god can’t do it.  It is true that the future is unpredictable.  You can think you are on a particular path and then suddenly, your gifts are being used in very different ways.  What you need in illuminating your path is the faith and wisdom to be present, learn from your past and not be afraid of your future – whatever it may be.