Black Friday

Senye,

Ede nou pa atache ak batanklan.

Nou ka gen kat wob jodi a, men petet I’a gen yon jou ke nou pa gen ditou.

Ede n’ atache nou a pawol Bondye.

Lord,

Help us not connect ourselves to things.

We may have four dresses today, but maybe there will be a time when we won’t have any.

Help us to connect ourselves to God’s Word.

These are the words I read on Black Friday night, of all nights…from my Creole book of Haitian proverbs called God Is No Stranger by Eleanor Turnball.  I had been thinking about excess since that morning. 

It is hard for me to prepare and eat more than I need.  But I do it. 

It is hard to buy things because I want them and they are on sale.  But I do it.  And then I feel guilty.  But I don’t return it…well not all of it. 

It is hard to be happy and excited about holidays when I, for the life of me, cannot stop thinking about what people are doing in Haiti and in other areas of extreme poverty. 

I hate to say it, but I sometimes I wish I could forget it.  It would be so much easier.  But as much as I try, each day comes and I spend time distracted.  Distracted from my family, distracted from my job, distracted from my friends and what is going on in my current “present.”

It is consuming and yucky and frustrating because I feel like I don’t know how to explain it to others and therefore come across as being crabby and crumudgigny…

I don't want to be this way.  I feel like I used to be a really happy and go-lucky person.  Now I think maybe I was naïve.  Not able to see the disparity, hurt, greed and selfishness of this world.  Now that I see it, I would love to turn the other way and not do anything, but I can’t.  These realizations have, in a way, extinguished my light, my joy, and made me feel very alone.  

Now I need to figure out a way to spread that light again…be the person that I am meant to be.  To truly be a part of things that matter.  To take these newly uncovered realities and figure out how god wants me to use my awareness for the betterment of others.  In addition, I must start remembering the joy that comes with being able to wake up each day knowing that I am beloved and supported not only by my family and friends, but by an amazing act of faith in an all knowing god.  There is a reason for this phase in my life and I intend to use it as a learning tool.