Roller Coasters

This week has been challenging.  Being here is an emotional roller coaster for so many reasons.  Just when I think I have figured some thing out, god throws another curve ball my way.  To say I feel lost is accurate to an extent.  But I don't feel lost everyday.  To say I feel frustrated is also accurate to an extent.  There are day to day issues that happen that in my mind don't need to happen.  But they do, and  by god's grace I am trying to work through them.  To say I feel discontent is probably the most accurate way to put it.  Thankfully, I think feeling discontent is god's way of encouraging me to act.

As I wrestle with what all this means and what god is trying to show me I keep asking all these questions:
Am I making an impact?
What happens when I leave?
Is there someone that will follow up with the people I have come to know?
Am I adding to the problem, or supporting a solution?
Am I really capable of helping to create change?
Who can I trust?
Where is god in this?

I got some much needed clarity this morning on my run.  One of my favorite things about our village is that people start sweeping, washing, traveling to work and hanging out by their gates very early in the morning.  I have had the pleasure of meeting neighbors on my route that I talk with everyday.  Today I met someone new and his words have stuck with me all day.  He is Haitian but spent time in the US for school and is now back managing the Honda/Acura dealership here.

He reminded me that Haiti is full of beauty but it also has the power to really crush you.  Being here is not easy.  He is right.  The truth is I have felt the most peace of my life here, and I have equally felt the most pain.  They are both real and both part of who I am.

As we continued to talk about how I am spending my time here, he was encouraged to hear about my philosophy about supporting the efforts and ideas of Haitians and working along side them to help them create the changes they want for their community.  He left me with some encouraging words.

"A supportive word or an act of encouragement goes much further than a million dollars."

For this I am grateful.  Grateful that a stranger can kick me in the pants and say what you're doing counts.  What Haitians are doing matters.  What we are creating takes forever but is long-lasting, sustainable and powerful.  My job is to serve wholly, to listen fully, to support humbly and love god by showing respect and love to everyone I meet.