One World

“We’re all a part of one world, we all can share the same dream and if you just reach out to me then you will find deep down inside I’m just like you.”

These lyrics from my crazy PBS love fest with Celtic Women have been playing on repeat in my head for the past few days.  It is funny how I get messages at the right time in the right way.  Truth is we are a part of one world, truth is we do share similar dreams – good health, love, family, prosperity whatever it may look like and assurance that we matter.   

For a long time now I have known that I am here on this earth to nurture people.  I have been blessed with patience and the desire to listen and encourage others to make their own way in the world.  As I sit here in Haiti with the sun shining and a lovely breeze blowing I realize that those gifts are to be used here as well.  I have had the honor to get to know several Haitians with great hearts, great ideas and great connections.  I have discovered, they don’t need me all the time, just like my colleagues at work, or friends and family across the globe.  Turns out I don’t have to choose…I have been blessed beyond belief to be able to serve in so many ways.  What a welcomed change of perspective – and it only took two years!   

I think people crave purpose, they search for belonging, they want to be utilized and appreciated in their communities.  They want to know that their life matters and see their gifts put to use.  That’s what I get to do here.  Even if it seems painfully slow and awfully trivial to help one group of teachers, their training and professional development will impact loads of kids in their schools and in turn, create better communities in the future. 

So that’s it, deep down inside that connection, that sense of purpose, that feeling a part of something bigger than you wins, hands down, no matter where you are.  

clarity

I know I have not done the best at keeping in touch with god.  I am guilty and have missed out on conversations I could have had.  But we cannot dwell on the past, only move forward with hearts and souls open to whatever god desires of us.  A common prayer that I have been lifting up during the past six months is for clarity.  The interesting thing is, it is not specific to any one thing but everything.  An affirmation that the choices I am making, the life I am leading, is truly what god has designed for me.  I have this need to know that I am not getting in the way.  On some levels, that seems like I am trying to micromanage god (something I don’t like in the workplace or in the mission field).  It feels like undermining the one who has gone before me, has created me, and who is always working and living through me.  On the other hand, it brings a real intentionality to how I choose to live my life, who I chose to share it with and what I can learn in the process.  I used to think there would be some magical signpost, illuminating “my path” and solidifying that I was on the right track.  Most of the time I let my gut and rational thought help out.  There are times when I have felt that overwhelming since of peace wash over me that lets me know this is right for right now.  My dad asked me this morning on our way to the airport if I was nervous or anxious or if traveling to Haiti was just old hat.  I could honestly answer, “no” I am not anxious, or nervous, but thinking about I now, it is not because I have been here before.  It’s because I truly believe in a god that is with me all the time, protecting me, supporting me and allowing me to be a part of life happening right now.  A friend of mine reminded me of this with Joshua 1:9 tonight, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Being kind, loving and empowering to others is not hard and it is what god has called me to do.  I happen to be so fortunate to do it many places around the world.  And although it seems simple, that is god’s plan for me, so I guess I am not really getting in the way…

a revelation...

A few weekends ago, I went a on a spur of the moment road trip with some great friends.  We didn’t quite know where we were going and, at times, left our decisions up to the fate of a lucky penny!!  On Sunday, we managed to find a church in Ames, IA.  This masterpiece of a “mega church” had all the stops – stadium seating, a child care check in system that assigns your child a barcode and three jumbo-tron screens!! It was a very different feel than the church home I have here in Minneapolis.  However, an interesting thing happened during the message that morning.  In the midst of a sermon wrapping up a study on Romans, I had a revelation. 

The pastor was speaking about Paul and his letters to various communities and his emphasis that part of being a follower of Christ is to DO something about it!  He mentioned several ways to show that you “get it.”  He reminded all of us in attendance of our call to “live life as a sacrifice.”  I have been praying about this for months now, asking God if I am truly supposed to give up all I have to serve the people of Haiti.  Sell my possessions; give up the conveniences or presumed safety of my home.  All of the sudden I had a revelation.  A revelation that to "live a life of sacrifice" might not be the physical sacrifices that I have been considering.  None of my earthly possessions or conveniences matter as much to me.  I know I could live without.  Instead, it is the painful, gut-wrenching and sad emotional sacrifices that come from being away from Haiti right now.  Those are the sacrifices I am living with to try to listen to and discern where God wants me.  Being away from a country that for some reason brings me great peace, being away from people I love more than I thought I could love, living and breathing each day knowing how good I have it, feeling like I am letting others down by failing to be totally present.

Here I thought, why is this not happening?  I am totally willing to go, Lord, send me!  When God finally turned on my light switch and said, this is your challenge…live your life each day for me, don’t wait until you have moved to Haiti, continue to serve me and my people and show my love to all those you meet.  Help each inhabitant of this earth see that they matter.  The sacrifice is that I love being in Haiti, but can’t be there every day right now.  The lesson is that I will never have all the answers, but if I listen closely, every once and awhile, God gives me a few clues.   

Traditions

Traditions are an important part of everyone’s culture.  The holidays, for my family and me, are steeped in tradition. When it comes to food, there is always lefse, chocolate mint sandwich cookies, and eggnog.  Typically there are Swedish meatballs or ham balls and company hash browns.  We usually sing Christmas songs in four-part harmony at least once, light the advent wreath and exchange gifts on Christmas Eve.  In addition, there are favorite holiday movies to watch, Muppets Christmas Carol, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Santa Clause (1, 2, &3) to name a few.  Christmas at home (and sometimes abroad) includes a worship service with either a lively pageant and/or a contemplative candlelight service. 

My family recently watched the Muppets Christmas Carol, and for the first time the wisdom of this story spoke to me.  Live in the past, present and future.  You know the story: the humbug Ebenezer Scrooge is met by three spirits each hoping to change his attitude and open his heart to the world around him.  In a matter of a few pages, or in our case less than two hours of sidesplitting muppet humor, Scrooge discovers that his past reminds him of true love and happiness as a young man and the choices he made to further his career.  He is blindsided by the image his community has of him and his selfish and greedy ways and he is faced with the prospect of leaving this earth unloved and unwanted by anyone.

As I experienced this movie this year, I was overcome with the notion that we must not solely live in one of these three worlds.  Our lives are meant to fulfill many purposes.  We might be a comforter for someone, an encourager for another, or a warrior for whatever it is that drives our deepest passions.  We also might need to take time to regroup, to realign what it is that we feel called to do.  By looking back into our past we can learn from mistakes and successes, cherish memories and notice what brings us joy and what causes pain. 

By living the in the present we are called to truly focus on the here and now.  What am I choosing today and how does it affect me, my family, friends and neighbors worldwide?  The choices I make have an impact on our whole world and I can choose to see it and act accordingly…or not. 

Living in the future is hard for me.  Although I am mostly an optimist, I am also a self-diagnosed “catastrophizor.”  I often play out scenarios in my head that, of course, end badly.  It was my mom that finally made me realize that “different” isn’t always “bad.”  And that, for me is where faith takes over.  I am coming to realize that when I catastrophize, I am basically saying I can’t do it, or more shockingly, god can’t do it.  It is true that the future is unpredictable.  You can think you are on a particular path and then suddenly, your gifts are being used in very different ways.  What you need in illuminating your path is the faith and wisdom to be present, learn from your past and not be afraid of your future – whatever it may be. 

Black Friday

Senye,

Ede nou pa atache ak batanklan.

Nou ka gen kat wob jodi a, men petet I’a gen yon jou ke nou pa gen ditou.

Ede n’ atache nou a pawol Bondye.

Lord,

Help us not connect ourselves to things.

We may have four dresses today, but maybe there will be a time when we won’t have any.

Help us to connect ourselves to God’s Word.

These are the words I read on Black Friday night, of all nights…from my Creole book of Haitian proverbs called God Is No Stranger by Eleanor Turnball.  I had been thinking about excess since that morning. 

It is hard for me to prepare and eat more than I need.  But I do it. 

It is hard to buy things because I want them and they are on sale.  But I do it.  And then I feel guilty.  But I don’t return it…well not all of it. 

It is hard to be happy and excited about holidays when I, for the life of me, cannot stop thinking about what people are doing in Haiti and in other areas of extreme poverty. 

I hate to say it, but I sometimes I wish I could forget it.  It would be so much easier.  But as much as I try, each day comes and I spend time distracted.  Distracted from my family, distracted from my job, distracted from my friends and what is going on in my current “present.”

It is consuming and yucky and frustrating because I feel like I don’t know how to explain it to others and therefore come across as being crabby and crumudgigny…

I don't want to be this way.  I feel like I used to be a really happy and go-lucky person.  Now I think maybe I was naïve.  Not able to see the disparity, hurt, greed and selfishness of this world.  Now that I see it, I would love to turn the other way and not do anything, but I can’t.  These realizations have, in a way, extinguished my light, my joy, and made me feel very alone.  

Now I need to figure out a way to spread that light again…be the person that I am meant to be.  To truly be a part of things that matter.  To take these newly uncovered realities and figure out how god wants me to use my awareness for the betterment of others.  In addition, I must start remembering the joy that comes with being able to wake up each day knowing that I am beloved and supported not only by my family and friends, but by an amazing act of faith in an all knowing god.  There is a reason for this phase in my life and I intend to use it as a learning tool.